TERMS OF THE AGAPE CIRCLE:

Participation Policy:

The Agape Circle is voluntary. Participants are asked to commit themselves to attending all seven meeting dates and filling out the three questionnaires at the proper times. Participants are ultimately free to refrain from participating in any meeting or in any given portion of a meeting (for example, by saying “I pass”), to leave a particular meeting at any point or to cease participation in the Agape Circle project entirely. If a participant is going to be late or absent, s/he should inform the Facilitator.

Participants are also asked to complete simple, personal, growth-oriented “homework” exercises and to pray for one another between meetings.

Meeting Logistics:

The Agape Circle meets weekly for approximately two hours for seven weeks. Ideally, Circles will choose to meet for seven consecutive weeks. However, if the members of a Circle agree to skip one week and extend the duration of the program by an additional week, that is an option. The first meeting should be held by the beginning of October, 2007. The participants need to complete the first survey seven weeks prior to that.

Meetings should begin and end on time. If desired, refreshments and socializing before and/or after the meeting can be made part of the circle’s routine.

Mothers of infants may bring their infants to the meetings provided they are not disruptive to the group. Members with children may wish to arrange cooperatively for childcare on-site in a nearby room.

Meeting Format:

The Agape Circle meeting begins with prayer and recitation of the Agape Circle agreement. There are brief Scripture and patristic readings, weekly reflective questions and brief periods for silent meditation. Approximately fifty minutes are devoted to a structured dialogue, with equal time set aside for each member to speak and to receive feedback. This is followed by a weekly interactive exercise. The meeting ends with prayer and a hymn of the Church.

The Agape Circle Agreement:

This agreement is recited in unison at each meeting, pausing at the asterisks.

“By the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ * and the love of God the Father * and the communion of the Holy Spirit, * we gather together as members of the Body of Christ * to support one another * and to increase our love for God and neighbor. * All that is said here we hold in confidence * that each of us may, in good trust, * speak the truth in love.”

Confidentiality:

All members are asked to honor the confidentiality of the Agape Circle. The Agape Circle Agreement includes the following statement: “All that is said here we hold in confidence, that each of us may, in good trust, speak the truth in love.” This means that, without permission, members should not discuss outside the group what someone else has said inside the group. In order to feel safe, members must feel certain that what they disclose about themselves will not be taken outside the circle without their consent.

There are four exceptions to the confidentiality agreement:

(1) if a group member reports a desire or intention to harm self or another (suicidal or homicidal indications),

(2) If a group member reports abusing another person in any way; and

(3) If a group member indicates that he or she plans to commit a felony. (Past felonies are protected by laws of confidentiality.) If a group member shares any of the above in the Agape Circle, the Facilitator or another member may report it to the appropriate authorities.

(4) The fourth exception to the confidentiality rule has to do with the research nature of the Agape Circle project. Facilitators will be in contact with the Agape Circle Coordinator, Deacon Markos Nickolas, who oversees the Agape Circle Project. While these conversations will focus primarily on group process rather than on the content of what is said in the Circle, it is possible that content will be shared with Deacon Markos.

ROLES:

The Facilitator plays a key leadership role in each Agape Circle. Other roles to be shared on a rotating basis include the Time-keeper and up to five Readers.

Agape Circle Facilitator:

Each Agape Circle meeting requires a Facilitator (to be approved by the parish priest). The Facilitator is an equal member and full participant in the group. The Facilitator’s duties include the following:

• receiving the blessing and approval of the parish priest to serve as an AC Facilitator

• helping to recruit additional members if fewer than five have initially volunteered, and contacting members before the first AC meetings

• communicating by email and telephone with the AC Coordinator prior to the start of the meetings

• preparing for each meeting by reading the description of the weekly interactive exercise before the meeting

• bringing the sacred readings, questions for reflection and interactive exercise descriptions to the meetings

• seeing that the required materials and equipment for the interactive exercises are brought to each meeting

• distributing the readings to the Readers

• beginning and ending the meetings on time (and arriving early to the meetings)

• keeping the meetings on task according to the Agenda outline

• emailing an evaluation after each meeting to the AC Coordinator

• when necessary, speaking with the AC Coordinator by telephone

The Time-keeper:

The Time-keeper monitors the time for each activity, assisting the Facilitator to keep the group on track. During the Structured Dialogue, the Time-keeper signals each speaker to mark when two minutes remain in the speaker's time allotment.

Readers:

The number of Readers required each week varies according to the number of assigned readings for each week. The Readers receive printed copies of their Readings from the Facilitator right before the start of the meeting. Reading assignments should rotate weekly so that each Reader has an opportunity to do at least one reading from each of the three categories of readings (Gospel, Epistle, Christian Wisdom). The Readings should be read slowly and clearly, with awareness that they are sacred texts with an important message.

A half-minute of silence should follow each reading. This is intended to help set a contemplative tone and to give listeners time to absorb the message of the Readings.

A CONTEMPLATIVE ATMOSPHERE OF AGAPE:

Each member is asked to help create an open, friendly, cooperative, trusting, pleasant and contemplative group atmosphere in which all members feel comfortable, at ease, respected, valued, appreciated, encouraged, free and mindful of the presence of God. Within such an atmosphere, participants will feel permitted to:

• feel and express emotions
• open up to the other members with a problem or personal struggle one is having
• ask for help, support, comfort and/or prayer
• receive comfort and love
• welcome and receive honest feedback.

STRUCTURED CONTEMPLATIVE DIALOGUE:

St. Paul wrote: “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body” (Ephesians 4:25).

Structured Contemplative Dialogue provides an opportunity for members to speak freely from the heart, such as in the traditional desert Christian practice of “manifesting one’s thoughts.” During the Structured Contemplative Dialogue members are invited to express their personal thoughts, feelings and perspectives.

Approximately one hour is devoted to Structured Contemplative Dialogue (“Speaking Truth in Love”). This includes moments of silence and time for Responding. Each member is given an equal amount of time to speak about whatever is in his or her heart that is relevant to the theme of love for God, for other people and for one’s own spirit. A speaker may choose to respond to one or more of the three Questions for Silent Reflection. Alternatively, one may choose to talk about what one experienced and learned from the previous week's "homework" challenge. Or, one may share about something else that is related to the theme of "agape" in their life. Since the time alloted for each person is brief, one should share what is most significant for him or her at that moment.

It is important that each person be given equal time to speak and receive feedback. For example, if the Circle chooses to allot exactly one hour to Structured Contemplative Dialogue and there are six participants present, each person should be given six minutes to speak and three minutes to receive feedback. This would allow time for a half-minute of silence between a person's speaking time and feedback time and another half-minute of silence before the next person's speaking time. These moments of silence help to give the structured dialogue it's contemplative character.

When sharing, try to avoid abstract, conceptual language. The challenge here is to speak from direct experience while staying in touch with one’s present feelings and mindful of one's relationship with God and. Members are asked to speak for themselves and about themselves, not for and about others. The goal is to speak authentically, tell the truth about oneself and let oneself be known and loved as one truly is.

Self-Disclosure:

The more that members feel comfortable opening up and sharing, the more rewarding the experience is likely to be. Members who feel there is sufficient confidentiality and trust in the Circle, may choose to share their:

• hopes
• fears
• hurts
• needs
• regrets
• losses
• sorrows
• dreams
• loves
• secrets
• failures
• wishes
• desires
• struggles
• doubts
• faith

The Agape Circle is to be a space in which all of these human experiences are welcomed. Oftentimes, when such things are brought into the light of Christ and shared with others in trust and compassion, growth happens (Ephesians 5:13-14).

All participants are always “at choice.” No participant is required to do anything that s/he does not wish to do. A participant is always free to “pass” on an activity or to use less than his/her allotted time. All participants should feel free to reveal themselves at the pace and to the extent with which they are comfortable.

Here is the paradox: the more loved we feel, the more comfortable we will feel to speak from the heart, tell the truth about ourselves and let ourselves be known. Conversely, the more we speak from the heart, tell the truth about ourselves and let ourselves be known, the more we increase the opportunity for others to love us as we truly are.

Each person’s contribution during the Structured Dialogue is followed by a half-minute of silence to allow the group to assimilate what has been said and to pray silently for the speaker. (A longer period of silence may be appropriate after something very moving has been said to allow the members more time to process their emotions.)

Moments of Silence:

As noted above, brief periods of silence (30 seconds or longer) are interspersed throughout the Agape Circle meeting. These quiet moments are intended to allow members an opportunity to take some deep breaths, center themselves in God and allow intuitions to surface while listening for the still, small voice of the Lord speaking in their hearts. In the Gospel of John we read that Jesus gives us peace (John 14:27), a peace that passes understanding.

During these moments of stillness and silence (hesychia), we intentionally access the peace of Christ. Some participants may choose to gently and inaudibly pray the Jesus Prayer (“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us.”).The purpose of these moments is to experience, in the quiet stillness, the presence of the One who said: “Be still, and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10).

Listening:

Listening and being listened to are integral to loving and being loved. The Agape Circle is to be a place where members practice prayerful, compassionate listening from the heart. We prayerfully bear witness to each other’s words. We llisten for God’s Spirit who is within us and “everywhere present and filling all things.”

Listening “from the heart” means attending to what is being expressed, verbally and non-verbally, and empathizing with the one who is speaking. This is listening without judging or trying to fix or rescue the person who is speaking. It involves seeing things through the other person’s eyes. It involves a willingness to identify with the other and to notice something about oneself in the other’s story. It involves verbally and nonverbally affirming and validating the other person who has taken the risk to be vulnerable and open up. This kind of deep listening enables people to feel seen, heard, accepted and honored. That is one of the greatest gifts we can give to each other.

Responding (i.e."Feedback"):

The early Christian desert fathers and mothers had the practice of “seeking a word” from one’s spiritual father or mother, brother or sister. The “word” that was sought was a life-giving word, a word of wisdom, a word “from God.” This word was to be received as something sacred, to be contemplated and meditated upon for its power to transform one’s life.

After a member has spoken during Structured Dialogue and the group has paused for a half-minute of silence, the speaker may invite “a word” from the others in the Circle. Up to three minutes of response time is allotted for the Circle to respond. The speaker may specify one or more of four types of feedback that he or she welcomes from the Circle:

1) questions of clarification (to which the speaker may briefly reply)
2) positive encouragement
3) challenging thoughts
4) humble advice (Note: Knowledge requiring clinical, spiritual or other expertise should not be imparted by persons who lack such expertise.)

Members in the Circle are then given an opportunity to briefly and succinctly offer their truthful response according to the speaker’s request. All feedback, including #3 (challenging thoughts) and #4 (humble advice), should be offered with grace and compassion and with the clear intention to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Respondents’ words should be chosen with care. As only three minutes are allotted for this, they must be very succinct. Respondents should avoid lecturing, preaching, criticizing, judging, offering unsolicited advice, speculating about the speaker’s motives, trying to fix or rescue the speaker, commenting on or adding to the responses of others or launching into their own stories. It may be most helpful to phrase the feedback in terms of personal self-disclosure (e.g., “I feel…," "I sense…”) or a question (e.g., “I wonder if…?”). Genuine, honest, supportive feedback should be humbly offered as a gift, and it should likewise be received with gratitude as a gift.

The three minute response period is followed by another half-minute of silence. Again, these short periods of silence are intended to allow the Circle to make the transition to the next speaker while preserving a contemplative quality in the dialogue.

The Circle continues in this manner until all have had the opportunity to share and receive responses. (A participant is always free to "pass.") Once the Structured Dialogue portion of a particular Agape Circle meeting has concluded, the content of what was shared is not to be spoken of again unless the speaker chooses to bring it up again.

INTERACTIVE EXERCISE

Approximately 40 minutes is devoted to the Interactive Exercise. These exercises are designed to be both fun and instructive. The Facilitator guides the Circle through the exercises each week.

OVERALL PURPOSE: To Practice Loving God and Neighbor as One's Self:

The Agape Circle is intended to be a group where members experience God’s love and share that love with one another. Here are some ways that members can love each other in the Agape Circle:

• giving empathy
• listening compassionately
• offering encouragement
• telling each other the truth
• sharing insight and discernment
• affirming each other
• supporting one another
• validating each other’s strengths and talents
• spurring one another toward growth and appropriate risk-taking
• accepting each other
• offering and receiving forgiveness
• praying for one another
• modeling and teaching one another
• grieving with each other
• developing unity of spirit with one another
• serving one another
• expressing kindness and affection
• showing patience with one another
• bearing each other’s burdens.

STAGES OF GROUP EVOLUTION:

Like most small groups, an Agape Circle is likely to evolve through four stages: Stage 1: Orientation; Stage 2: Affiliation; Stage 3: Differentiation; Stage 4: Separation.

Stage 1: Orientation

In the Orientation Stage (e.g., the first two meetings), members are typically unsure about their desire to be part of the group. Each must begin to feel comfortable and accepted by the others. This requires the development of trust. Members give and receive information in an attempt to discover their commonalities. Similarities are emphasized. Interpersonal connections are made. Norms and rules for the group emerge. This initial period of group development requires a higher level of energy and activity on the part of the group leader (in this case, the Facilitator).

Stage 2: Affiliation

In the Affiliation Stage (e.g., the second through the fourth meetings, approximately), affective ties are made as members shift back and forth between seeking and avoiding intimacy. They tend to be active and cooperative.

Stage 3: Differentiation

In the Differentiation Stage (e.g., the third through the fifth sessions, approximately), issues of difference emerge. When people engage in genuine self-expression and dialogue, differences invariably arise. The group's new awareness of the diversity among them may prompt clarification of the purpose of the group and of the goals of each member. Group expectations, structures and member roles may need to be modified.

In the event of a true conflict, members may need to compromise and respectfully agree to disagree. As issues are raised, worked through, negotiated and resolved, members realize that differences occur within, not outside of, their common ground. They discover that the whole of what they share is greater than the sum of their differences. As a result, a more cohesive group emerges which allows for differentiation as well as integration, communion as well as otherness.

Stage 4: Separation

In the Separation Stage (e.g. the sixth through the seventh meetings, approximately), members may experience ambivalent feelings. Along with feelings of accomplishment and gratitude for the group may come feelings of loss for its ending. It is appropriate at this stage that the group experience be evaluated, that the group as a whole reflects and reminisces about its maturation process as a "mutual-aid system" and micro-community, that gains that have been made be identified, that members look ahead to ways they will use the new learning in their lives (e.g., “Some of the ways in which this experience has helped me and will help me outside of the group include…”), and that members say “goodbye” to one another as the shared experience of group concludes.